No one doubts the rules have changed when it comes to dating, but over the years a few things have managed to stay the same. Being authentic versus trying to be someone you think you should be, is always the safest bet. Here are five reminders of what not to do in the presence of Mr. Maybe Right.
1. Taking too much airtime on the first few dates explaining why you don’t need a man.
Let’s face it, no one needs a man anymore. We are independent creatures perfectly capable of living happy solo lives; unfortunately, many of us spend too much air time explaining why we don’t need a man in order to appear laid back and independent—yet this backfires. Going overboard telling him how you don’t need a man doesn’t give him a whole lot of room to imagine being in your life. A good man already knows you’re independent.
It’s not your job to entertain anyone. Women are natural caretakers, but carrying the weight of the conversation in an effort to keep it flowing is exhausting for anyone. Let some dead air time exist between the two of you and let him be the one to jump in to fill it. If the two of you click, the conversation will flow. If you carry the conversation, you won’t witness whether or not the two of you are conversationally compatible.
Communication research has shown that men form thoughts and articulate them at a different pace than women do. Count to 10 in your head during a conversation pause and give your date a chance to jump in—99 percent of the time, a man will continue talking.
3. Texting, calling, Facebook-ing and tweeting too often in hopes of being witty and staying on his mind.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so trust space. Create some for him to miss you and in the mean time, get on with your life. Needy isn’t attractive.
Ever try to catch a bug in a swimming pool? The faster you move your hand forward trying to grab it, the more out of reach it floats. Pull back a little and let him float toward you. When we have healthy self-esteem, we lean back a little more, watch as things unfold and trust the process. If you’re fabulous—which you are—a good man will recognize it. There’s no need to try so hard.
5. Trying too hard to be sexy.
Dress as sexy or skimpy as you’d like to, just be mindful as to your reasoning. If it’s for yourself because you feel fabulous, go for it; but if it’s because you think you’re supposed to dress a certain way, or it’s an effort to be something you think he wants, take a moment to reflect. Being who you truly are is the sexiest outfit of all.